Outbound and sunrise
Clichés of new beginnings
I remain unchanged
Outbound and sunrise
Clichés of new beginnings
I remain unchanged
You walk away
With a crushing finality
Ramrod iron spine
Heels strident clacks
Carom across the concrete
Then at the door
The subtlest glance back
Betrays the display
That is your anger
Now I know
The only moment
More remarkable
Than this departure
Will be your return
I know also
The next time
There will be
No backward glance
But
God
Will I be grateful
For one last chance
I am having
High-order, ill-mannered thoughts
Inconvenient truths
As the saying goes
Understatement that it is
And I have always
Wondered why
Understatement
Doesn’t have a better word
Overstatement has
Hyperbole
Pointed overstatement
An extraordinary word
Understatement
Seems so…
Well
Understated
But I’m lying
Not about understatement
I cannot overstate it
I cannot be hyperbolic
About understatement or lying
But I digress
I dissociate
Because I am lying
About having these
Thoughts
I’m not having them
I mean that emphatically
Which is also a better word
Than understatement
And still I digress
Dissociate
Dis-associate
Because I also most emphatically
Do not want to have them
So I digress
Again
Diverge
Obsess about other thoughts
Any other thoughts
Or no thoughts at all
Even better
Any activity which annihilates
Thought
Television
Computer games
Hours-long arguments
On social media
Irony
Another great word
A device used properly
Only as a hammer on an anvil
I have arguments
About high-order, ill-mannered thoughts
To avoid thinking about
A particular set of high-order, ill-mannered thoughts
But I digress
From my digression
Which speaks to the power
Of dissociation
I dis-associate
From dissociation
But those thoughts
I don’t want to have
They want to be had
They want to be thought
And they’re knocking at the door
Pounding at it really
Against the big metal door
Protecting my consciousness
Like a hammer on an anvil
Even now
I am buttressing the door
Keeping it shut
As it reverberates
I desperately want
To turn on the telly
Play a game
Or open Facebook
Behind me
The wake of my journey
All froth and churn
As I labour
To leave
To forget
Ahead of me
The wake of the moon
All sparkly possibility
As I awaken
To hope
To purpose
I follow
The land’s flow
Over swell
And hollow
This sea of soil
Calls out to
Hard men
Sailors of
The grasslands
Content to be at sea
I travel along
The thin edge of life
Steep hillside above
Roiling sea below
Confined
Yet
Content
Breakers rumble
And susurru
Their soothing song
While the drive
Becomes dance
With the curves
And rolls
Keeping time
As if the lilt
Of the waves
Sing the highway
Into being
Some days the world seems
So very small and I feel
So vulnerable
Gentle seas
Jagged peaks
Sky in turmoil
So go
The many layers
Of I
Stolen land
Stolen lives
Stolen dreams
Stolen hearts
Stolen culture
Stolen children
Stolen justice
Stolen time
Stolen generations
Thieves unrepentant
In the dream
I entered a cavernous space
Light streamed in through windows
Set in an impossibly high wall
It curved
All around me
The inner workings
The floor boards
I almost expected to see
Dali and a squadron of flying cats
So odd a place this was
Until I realized
It was me
I was inside myself
The walls and ceiling
Were my own skin
Seen from the inside
Pipes and beams my bones
But inside
Where my consciousness
Now found itself
Was a vast cavern
Of emptiness
A fear gripped me
That all I had ever been
Was a sometimes pretty
But entirely hollow
Vessel
I wept
Cried out
Tried to shake out the dream
And wake up
Until…
I smelled the rain in the air
Heard the droplets
Tapping the leaves
Outside my window
Felt the cool of the night…
On my body
Outside the vessel
Palpating it
To see if there was any truth
To the hollowness
None that I could feel
“But you know you are”
Came a voice
From deep inside
Ringing with echoes
The fear, again
The tears, again
And a sorrow, full
As the cavern
Was hollow
Then another voice spoke
With the sibilant promise
Of a whisper in my ear
“A hollowness waiting
To be filled”