I loved as a child
I laughed as a child
Now as an adult
I am dominated by the fear
I learned as a child
Now as an adult
I am dominated by the fear
I learned as a child
Now I watch my waitress
And I wonder if she is also processing
The traumas of a dimly remembered past
While serving another table’s drink orders
I wonder if the waitress knows
That in the every day of just going along
Her mind, and her heart, and her spirit
Process the hard work that is so upsetting
“You did not go crazy”
“You did not die”
“You lived and never let go of the light
Even when you were plunged into the darkness”
“And all you learned to cope
With the trauma so many years ago
Keeps you alive now
While you heal”
There is a place
I want to be
Or fled in fear
I’m not sure which
Until I breach
And clamber through
Then come to know
Beyond the fence
No need for
Destination
No need
To have a plan
Not yet
But scan
Horizons
For potential
For places I’d like
To get
Standing on the ledge
Letting rage flow away
Wounds upon my soul
Close and begin to heal
The sky
like a distant hope
The sea
is my rolling pain
The land
oh, it anchors soul
And I
hold the sky
Let the pain
roll away
Heel to land
find my soul
Ambivalence
Trepidation
Uncertainty
Too much?
Too dark?
Too bleak?
For a bistro?
Until a voice says
“That is me, up there
On your wall.”