As water falls
In fractured cascade
See trauma’s pain
Fragmented mesh
Of memory and behavior
Slim tenuous tendrils
Strewn across twin darknesses
Of dissociation and repression
Shattered shards of self
Unanchored and adrift
As water falls
In fractured cascade
See trauma’s pain
Fragmented mesh
Of memory and behavior
Slim tenuous tendrils
Strewn across twin darknesses
Of dissociation and repression
Shattered shards of self
Unanchored and adrift
In the bright sun of day
I am shadow
A mask without a face
A smile without a reason
Laughter without glee
A sign of existence
Without presence
So I breathe
Bury my hand
In the hot sand
Shout out the pain
Of heat and grief
And emptiness
Give voice
To the being
Which once cast
The shadow
Until the voice
Becomes being
A vessel
For the light
The pain and grief
And emptiness
Become the shadow
I recall the halcyon
Of inviolable youth
When life
Stretched out before us
As an infinite loop of fun
While pain and suffering
Seemed ephemeral
As an all-better kiss
And adulthood perceived
As a condition of denial
That play is anything but
A full-time endeavour
Long since has that glitter faded
Pain and suffering
Joined now as companions
But little desire has this adult
To deny a child
The pleasure of play
Rather play along
Perhaps to live again
The golden lie
Of youth
Reveals a jagged truth
Painful and disturbing
Integrity’s challenge
Never are we more beautiful
Than when we conquer
The falsehoods of our fears
Still…
That is enough
To stave the pain
In this hollow I’ve carved out
From tendrils of deepest sorrow
I find resolve to carry on
This beauty
This pain
This anguish
This love
This cacophony of being
That is I
That is experience
That is action
Tension of light and dark
Tension of right and wrong
Never grey
Never muted
That mud of fear
That mud of anger
Gripping at my heart
Gripping at my mind
But I will not
Go under
But I will not
Lie down
Or die
In the silence
Of living
Without venture
An hour or so
Every day
On the bench
By the shore
On the edge of the fog
I wonder why
But I think I know
That bridge has been enough trouble
For us
No
For me
Maybe just for me
Even before the fog