The tumble and tumult
The cascade and chaos
All of it is pain
My being rent
By forces
External of choice
Until I realize
The flow of possibilities
Converge on a single channel
Even small choices
Alter my course
Through the rapids
I can navigate
Even the roughest water
Toward the serenity
Of a gentle flow
There is some beauty in this
The discovery of peace in turmoil
Old Sol burned a hole in the sky
Igniting the wake of our flight
We sailed on
Into the night
Into the darkness
With the hope a new day
Would bring a better light
He dreamed of another time
A time that never was
In a place that might have been
He dreamed of a bridge
From a land spare and dry
To a fabled city on a hill
He dreamed of a fog
That stood between
Where he was
And where he could be
In the dream
The fog never cleared
He never crossed the bridge
When he woke
He realized the fog
Was the nightmare of his childhood
The bridge was a path
From the child to the man
From who he was
To who he could be
He would never cross the bridge
So long as he held the fears
Of the child
He would never overcome the fears
Until he allowed himself
To feel the child’s pain
To be in motion
Is my way of stilling thoughts
Stillness quells the pain
In motion
I am still
In stillness
I am empty
In emptiness
I find no peace
Hollow
Haunted
Vacant
Amidst this familiar pandemonium
I alone am solid
Yet invisible
Carrying as passenger
A pain which pays no fare
Answers no questions
Offers no solutions
The me of this moment
None will remember
Not even I
But here
The pain shuffles off
Into the crowd
And I will not remember it either
Abandoned
Neglected
Forgotten
Failing
That I find the beauty in it
Renders the experience
Of encountering it
All the more
Painful
Discouraging
Disturbing
Heartbreaking
From peak to valley
He tumbled
A pebble
In the tumultuous runoff
Of his own emotions
Finally released
In the awakening spring
After a long, cold winter
Of isolated dissociation
He lay there
For a while
In the rocky bed
His torrent gouged
Through valley floor
Then stood
Shook off pain
Shouldered the burden
Of recovery
So began the work
To break new trail
Back to the peaks
Enveloped in the safe harbour of your arms
The pain
The fear
The anguish
Drawn away with the tide
I drift in the ocean of calm that is you
Until peace washes over me
As water falls
In fractured cascade
See trauma’s pain
Fragmented mesh
Of memory and behavior
Slim tenuous tendrils
Strewn across twin darknesses
Of dissociation and repression
Shattered shards of self
Unanchored and adrift
In the bright sun of day
I am shadow
A mask without a face
A smile without a reason
Laughter without glee
A sign of existence
Without presence
So I breathe
Bury my hand
In the hot sand
Shout out the pain
Of heat and grief
And emptiness
Give voice
To the being
Which once cast
The shadow
Until the voice
Becomes being
A vessel
For the light
The pain and grief
And emptiness
Become the shadow
Pix to Words 